I found a stack of letters I had written to you over the last year but had never mailed. They were dusty, sealed, and sitting at the bottom a miscellaneous drawer in my kitchen.
Where would I have sent them anyway? You like it that way, leaving people to rant into the darkness, unheard and without closure.
My beautiful narcissist leaving a back window open…
But then I thought, why would I bother to mail them at all even if I knew they could reach you? After all, hadn’t you ignored every letter I’d ever written prior? Just as you ignored the words that sprang from my lips or the pain that dripped from my eyes? Didn’t you play dumb every time I needed an answer? Remember tearing my words up before you even read them, as you demanded I let you in? Those words never concerned you, only the time and energy I sank into writing them. That was your elixir.
Still, I know you spy on me, deny me, lie to me, even today… and I’m okay. I’m throwing away the words you couldn’t feel anyway. You made your choices with only you in mind and I can’t hate you for going after your desires. Can’t even hate you for not caring what I had said in those letters. All I ever did was imagine that you cared what I wrote in those letters, but you decided somehow that each time I took you back you didn’t have to care.
Well, don’t feel left out now that I won’t be writing you anymore. I head forward finally without you. You were the object of all my soggy words, you should remember that and not delude yourself with projections, there was no one else who left me so unheard. Remember how the words dragged you down and you had to run? Well today my love, you are free, truly free to run where these letters won’t even wait for you to find them. You will never have to see these words from me again. Not on paper…not from me. Today you and I are finally free. These soggy letters finally mean nothing more to me
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