I had no idea that you felt this way about your relationship.  I’m sorry that you’re not happy with the way things are going.  But I will say that you are not the only person that feels like that.  There are many people in the same situation where they have lost that spark – that deeper connection or feel that they married the wrong person.  As well there are many people that got married while they were young and missed out on opportunities.  So you’re not alone. I know that doesn’t help but I just wanted to give some perspective.

Also as we get older, we realize that the perfect person is somewhat elusive.  The dreams all of us had when we were younger of that perfect relationship where you have that spark forever is very very hard to find.  We make decisions with the information we have at the time and can’t look back.  You made a decision based on all your past history and all the information you had available to you.  You must have felt some deeper connection with him otherwise you wouldn’t have been having sex with no birth control right?

I too have felt the lack of spark in some of my past relationships and I think that happens with every relationship to some degree.  You just have to find ways to re-ignite the spark.  Or, in your case, build the spark that you say you never had.  I always remember you being creative in the bedroom so I’m sure you can do it.  You’re in the relationship now and you have to make the best of it.  You have a guy that, like you said, doesn’t drink or do drugs, etc.  He seems like a nice guy and, although I have never met him, generally makes you happy.  And you have an amazing son that you must be very proud of.  That must bring you an immense amount of joy right?

I’m not sure if any of what I’m saying makes sense or if it is coming across the right way. I’m only trying to help.  At the end of the day. the floors in your house aren’t what matters – it’s the people in your life. And it sounds like you guys are trying to work on your relationship with your counselling.

After re-reading your email I really feel like we should be talking about this over the phone (or FaceTime if you have that?) because this is such a deep subject.  Email doesn’t really do it justice.  So I’m here to talk if you want – my number is 555-555-5555 .  Or we can continue using email if you want.