Today I am grateful for: the amazing girlfriends I have made over the last year and 1/2 that I don't have any grey hair yet that I am strong, very strong, and will keep on being stronger even when the waves are ruff. the smile of my child and the kindness of my child when they realize mom is strong but also weak, making me smile at a moment of weakness when I had some tears the weather, it rocks and it is November that I have the knowledge and ability to be someone, even if some … [Read more...]

Yesterday I was in a secondhand clothing store shuffling through T-shirts when I came across a tie-dye Grateful Dead shirt. I have to try this on, I thought. It wasn’t because it was particularly cute. It was because my father was a Deadhead, and when I stumble upon Dead paraphernalia I feel an impulse to acquire it as a tribute to him. I didn’t buy the T-shirt. My favorite picture of my father was taken within a year of his death. He drove across the country to sell the mini-cooper to his … [Read more...]

I met --- online, on Dudesnude. He messaged me. I didn’t feel a desire to sleep with him. But I responded. I found his pictures intriguing, the personality displayed in them curious. I cancelled on him once. I have cancelled on many guys before. If I cancel, the odds of my following through are slim. This time, however, I did. I went to his place. He made us pancakes and we sat and talked in German for about twenty minutes. He had lived for many years in Berlin. His German was not pretty, … [Read more...]

  I can title this post - When he did this to me I wanted to say F Buddhism or - He didn't get the point of Buddhism or - Why was I so stupid to believe someone changes. or can think of a zillion cliches I can use as the title. - Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck it is a duck.  - A leopards spots don't change colors. - Leopard dcan't change its spots I want to walk away from the pain that keeps creeping up and I want to feel I can move on from this pain but all I want to … [Read more...]