I was diagnosed Schizo-affective disorder in 2008.  Post diagnosis I received my master’s degree in psychology and have been working in the mental health field as a therapist intern working with children and families.   One of the disadvantages of having this disorder is that I have a duo diagnosis; I am also an alcoholic and have used pain pills to get high along with pot.  I have been working a while and going to AA to help me stay clean and sober.  Unfortunately work can be so stressful that … [Read more...]

Today I left slightly early, to leave myself enough time to buy groceries; as usual I was overly cautious, and had a few minutes to walk around. I took a quick lap: past the church and then left at the bridge, having conceived a destination sometime midway, to duck into the bookstore across from the park and read a bit of Pride and Prejudice (I had done this once before). Inside instead of reading from the beginning, as I had done during my last visit, I flipped to a random page and read the end … [Read more...]

I have to remember while working on myself these words. "The wonderful thing about all this is that it is never too late to create a safe, loving relationship system rather than an unsafe, controlling one. No matter how awful things have been in the past, when two people decide to do their own inner work and create safe inner spaces for themselves, they will always succeed in creating a safe relationship space." Now the key thing in the above paragraph it says two, not one but two. I … [Read more...]

One should write. Now and then I am struck with ideas I find to be either some degree of profound or worth remembering and preserving for future revisitation and reconsideration. Ideal is to hold on to the thought, and to then grow beyond this understanding.. The reality is that they are unrecorded. The momentary ideas vary: some are those which stay with me or which come to me again, and become a part of the structure I draw for myself, but most of it - not only the epiphanies and revelations, … [Read more...]

If I were to write a letter to Matze, I thought to myself, following an incredibly intense day. I woke up and went to class, like most days these days, one more morning feeling like this Stufe won’t have an end, what a delusion, he attempts to think and feel during the particularly boring and stretching moments, to sit still in the midst of the ennui and cherish the fact that sometimes this ephemeral hourglass life slows to a crawl, or at least feels like it. And then class was over - - - some … [Read more...]