I smile about the simple things in life, a seed sprouting, the wind hitting my face just right, eating healthy, and seeing my offspring happy.
I fear hearing once again I am to blame for something without the person blaming looking at the bigger picture of themselves and how their actions have beaten me down. That I am like the dog who use see in an animal shelter who has that look in their eyes because the prior owner scolded them just because it was their way of showing love.
That to keep it together I am a robot who just gets to tomorrow and the next day worried what is the next things I say or do or don’t do or haven’t done good enough I have to be reminded that it wasn’t up to pare.
That their own faults somehow I am too blame. That I hear I am not supportive and they want me to be more supportive, that I am cold, that I can’t show affection blah blah blah. When I do speak up I get the I am going to file for separation or divorce.
Well I am going to take my life back in a big way. I deserve to smile not only at things outside of my relationship but can in my relationship. I don’t care about their damage wounded self taking it out on me and the blaming me as a way for them to communicate. Or ignoring me when to prove a point. I know I am a good person and put the effort into the relationship to make it work. I know I have climbed mountains and have tons of love to give. I know I deserve someone who appreciates what I do and not only see and highlight what I don’t do or haven’t done good enough.
Who cares what kind of obstacles there are to achieve this I am going to do it. Life is short and I am not dying this way. The more they try to hold me back from this by holding my finances the harder I will work until there is no financial way they can control me. The more they subconsciously self-sabotage me from being independent the more I will persevere. Yes they have done a good job alienating me and but I have resources I can rebuild and I am going to make this happen. If they change and follow my lead then fine I am happy to work on the relationship but I will no longer be that dog that was beaten up by it’s owner one to many times.
I DESERVE BETTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!