Hello inner child, I have ignored you far too long. I am sorry. It started when I was hurt and to handle the pain I just looked forward and stopped looking inside. Not just looking but feeling inside.
Inner child, I am sorry I put you in harm when I dated a few of the idiots I did. One, in particular, the Danish one I am really sorry for. That one was the catalyst for a lot of pain.
Some would call him a borderline personality, some would call him a narcissist some called him a psychopath. Some said they saw through him, I admit I didn’t. I naively believed him, he made me believe in us, future, but as I learned, it was all a façade, smoke, and mirrors at my inner child expense.
The outer me sort a handled it. Well, poorly I ran and ran until the pain was less. I cried at times and put up a wall as needed. A wall that sheltered you, my inner child, because it wasn’t fair to you that I spiraled with mundane enthusiasm in life and put on a smile even though I was hurt. That wall disconnected me from you.
Looking at you I see you are not impressed with me for I have ignored you. I also see inner child you almost hate the world even though I try to see the good in it. You inner child hate it because I overprotected you kept you so hidden deep in the dark so no feelings are felt. Would enjoy that, why would I put you in that position, that was sure not fair to do to you. If you want to know why but you probably already know. When I believed in someone and felt super joy for something often the rug got pulled under my feet leaving me worse off then I entered so I stopped entering anywhere and hiding you my inner child deep in the dark so no one could get close.
My inner child needs to see the light, the walls need to come down, the sun needs to shine on her and I can’t let the Danish man rob me of this anymore, he is long gone and so should all the other hurt he bestowed on me. As the new years approaches I will not be chained from my past but see the lessons it brought me to bond with my inner child better. I will apologize for the borderlines the narcissists and psychopath I brought into my life to hurt you inner child. I will go further but hugging you and giving you inner child the love you needed and so deserve.