“OK mommies I need your advice: every time a friend of ours has a BBQ or just invite us over for dinner we all sit and eat together I always help clean up but then the wife goes in n stays in her room and I am just sitting there with my hubby and her hubby to me that is just plain wrong and disrespectful so I told my hubby last night that I don’t want to spend so much time there anymore ( we usually go over once a week) I don’t feel comfortable and feel like she doesn’t want us there am I wrong?”
Most all the answers where ripping into the women who went into the room being super rude and how dare her.
However I have another take on it because I see myself in the women who goes to the room.
Trust me I love dinner parties, love putting on BBQs but I have a husband who only likes to hangout with his friends and make no new friends. His friends have no desire to get to know me or see me as equally successful and engaging as they are to each other. In a presences of them I feel like I don’t belong because there is no true desire to engage me. After trying to have a few parties with neighbors and couples with the same age kids, my husband just wasn’t into it and making new friends. So I was left to invite his friends over. Which I thought be great, until I realized dinner conversation is all about them. They talk about their work praise each other and I get the feeling they see me nothing more then a statue or dust at the table. I doubt they even know what I do for a living or what successes I have had in my life. Even if I try to bring up something conversation gets turned back to them. If they know anything about me they would not consider them something to put on a map compared to everything they have done. The dinners become very lonely, boring for me and not them, then one of them mentioned to playing a video game or a sport, they turn on the TV and I am ignored even further. So I just go to the room to find company on line with maybe a chat with a friend or read some sort of interesting article that stirs my interest at the time. I know by now I am looked like the rude women in the FB comment who they wish their friend would divorce.
But I am the women who when I make plans with my husband as a family day and looking forward to it one of his friends call and my plans are washed down the drain. Even if I said “hey we had plans” I hear well they were not set in stone and we are off to hang with his friends. When I say hang it means I am the third wheel they are engaging each other and my son and I am just tagging alone. None ask how my day is, none ask how my work is but I do ask about theirs but their answers are so hollow and empty because they don’t really want to get to know me.
I also looking at the bigger picture see my husband has a fear of intimacy. Thus inviting people when when we husband and wife should be connecting. This is an easy way for him not have to deal with this own fears and blame me for being antisocial by time.
I don’t know what I am getting at just don’t blame the women you think is rude. There is truly always more going on. She might be very lonely in her marriage because she sees her husband connect more with his friends then her and when she tries to speak up she gets painted as the bad guy.